Perspective on Death

Why can’t she just agree that her dead father is now a star?
I tried to explain to her but she didn’t seem to understand. It was late and I found her sitting by the riverside. I put my arm around her and tried to give her warmth. Her body was as cold as her thoughts and I told her that her father is looking at her as I pointed at the brightest star in order to console her.
“Do you see that bright star? He is there, looking at you and he wouldn’t like if you’ll be this sad” I said and thought my words will brighten her eyes.

“You see the next star that’s my grandma, your father has a good company” I pointed the star near to the brightest star. This would really comfort her because my mommy spoke the same lines to me when my grandma died and I kept going on like this until I realised that none of my words could soothe her pain.
She has always been a very interesting character to me. As a child, she was always hiding behind the doors but that wasn’t the shy nature that attracted me to her but her amazing approach to a problem. I always wanted to study her attitude towards the new things and death was something that happened for the first time in her life.

New Approach
When she showed me absolutely no reactions I tried the other way and explained to her how do we overcome the state of grief. I told her you will not be in this hopeless state for long and you will heal as time passes.
“How much time you think it will take?” she finally spoke and I told her for the first one or two months you’ll be upset and despair.

The next five months you’ll learn to live with the loss and you will continue to work. Within one year you will be as you were. Your father will be in your heart and you will remember him rarely then.
She wasn’t really moved by what I said so she just looked at me. Then she zips up her jacket and walked away and I didn’t meet her for one year.
I didn’t even try to find out where is she as her last look was goodbye, I remember.

Same Day, Next Year
“Is it coincident?”, I asked her. She was relaxed and we sat down near the riverside and I was about to ask her many questions but she didn’t allow me.
“How’s your grandma doing?” she asked me and then smiled by herself I was confused so I didn’t reply.

“Converted from one form to another,
has gone from this life forever,
somewhere in the universe
in some other dimension
who knows
but not a human
He is no more a Homo sapien
Not a star of course
not even blabbering with your grandma
He is gone and gone forever

And I couldn’t overcome
what if I did
and he disappears
from my memory
what if I did
and he dies in me.

And I couldn’t let the pain go
what if I did
and it was all I have
what if I did
then I will be alone again.”

It was an unacceptable perspective on death to keep the pain alive in you so that the dead don’t really die in her.

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